As this, another, day passed by it only seems as menotinuos as the last was and the next will be. This day was interesting from the extremely annoying pestering of what was wrong with from way too many people, esp. Jenna (holy shit she rubs me wrong!!!) But the sermon was again boring ...he said " Iraqians" what the fuck? has someone not been watching the news or at least graduated basic geography. Today we discussed what hors douevres (sp?) we to be served at Nat's thingy and she went of on how there isn't gonna be any drinking. I dunno I have top disagree but anyways, we played music at church where all of it sucked except for lido, but that's what's important.



Song: Alien Ant Farm - Summer ( or as my computer says it " ANTology", I don't think that's the name of the song as well as the album)

I'm beginning to completely understand the title of my blog, if you look at the decisions that I make and the types of things that I do it's evident that the type od idiocy the I deal with will literally bring you to your knees, I don't mean that as an inuendo or to yor knees weeping but like a swift baton strike to the back of the knees. It fuckin sucks. I can note this here that I'm hopelessly an idiot and there's really nothing I can do about it, so I'll stick to my music and my cooking, because as you have noticed as I'm pertaining to woman I'm only hurting them and not doing much for myself either. Getting them into brawls with each other and then brawls with me and it's just not worth it cause evidentally there not getting anything otu of it and I know I sure as hell am not. Those of you whom talk to me, don't be surprised if I'm not the most joyous person or the most polite, it's nothing against you personally I'm just failing to care about just about everything right now. If you want to ask what's wrong, control the urge. Talked to sean today to get some kinda of type of encouragement and advice on what to do about my pathetic thing for Ashley, hope it's helpful. None the less this day seems to go on forever, my mom asked me if I was on drugs today, so I laughed in her face, it was great.


Song: Limp Bizkit - Sour

Today turned to be an okay day, there we're it's wonderful highlight and it horrible comtouring effects. the day started out well when I got to sleep till five minutes before I left, but it was okay because I had already taken a shower so all I needed to do is put clothes on and go to school. This morning I was delighted to see Ashley between 1sy and 2nd period, and surprisingly enough, I looked at her and smiled and she waved. (you know that feeling most 7th grade girls get when the person they really like says the words "hi" or "What's up" well that feeling showed up it was nice for the next 2 periods. Anyway, then we had this speaker come that was one of the most boring people I have evr had to waste my ears on, he talked on something importantfor about ten minutes and then found different ways to ramble on for about another hour. Meanwhile me and Jenna we're discussing my recent weekend encouters with stupidity (I've come to realize it was one of the most stupid decisions of my life). Well she seemed pretty upset about it and proceeded to repremand me, to which I expectedly turned my head and every once in a while gave some kind of conterfiet signal that I was paying some kind of attention. Every so often fucking up and saying the wrong thing, "so what do you think you should do?"...."yes!!" those kinds of answers, ah well. Then from there I went to lunch and that was dandy as usual, but then I went to bible fell asleep in my palm, my elbow, which was supporting my arm and palm and head, decided it was time to slide off of the desk, and so it did abrubtly waking me up. Fortunately there was only 5 minutes left in class so I didn't have to force myself back to sleep.Chior went oddly, Jenna was in a bad mood and natalie has been going through some of the most interesting mood swings I have ever seen. From there school had ended and I found this toy, looked a lot like a pipe, but in fact it was a little man on a scooter that lights up, I looked at the inside of it and saw that it had those little fiber optic strings in it, I wanted to get them out but it had some screws so I proceeded to try to pry it open with my fingers only to fail so I diverted my atttention to other things only to retuen it right back to that arduous task to get the fibers out of the toy. So I threw it to the concrete as hard as I could and then it broke open and I was able to retrieve the fibers within it, I played with them for a while but then discarded them and moved on to something else. I looked at the situation as I was driving home in the car and noticed that this was how I approached most things in my life, Iknow what it is that I want and I see it but I lack the tools necessary to retreive what it is that I want so I try my hardest by simple methods to get it all the while being distracted by other things, eventually I just get frustrated and "throw it to the ground" and destroy to get what I wanted but becoming disinterested in what it is after a short time, in the the meanwhile I've destroyed what I could rebuilt and have then also found what it was that I really wanted, a whole and it's parts together...but I already fucked it up......I'm sorry Ashley ...I'm working on my destructive tendacies


Song : Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved

I can't look at today and think that there's has benn nothing going one, in my mind though it feels that way, at this point everything feels like a dream, and not necessarily a good on. Do you ever have those times when you feel like you can do anything you want, it's not like your oblivious to the reprocutions, no, you know full well what they are you just fail to give a shit about it. At this point this is how I feel, careless...not carefree, careless (Some may be able to confuse those 2 very easily). This day seems to be filled with confusion....when there's an occurence that one might want to keep secret, it might be a good idea to agree with all knowing parties exactly what will be disclosed because otherwise there's confusing factor amidst the entire situation. Running through the perpetually gaping holes in my minds exist the infathomable idea that I might within the next 2 months be able to capture what it is that I long for most, the common sense factor in my brain tells me otherwise. But on this imaginary notion I shall endure and pursue my hearts longings (cross yor fingers, or don't if you don't give a shit). Today for dinner I couldn't find anything to make, so we concoct some sort of something, I found some alfredo and some eggnoodles, then some portabellos and some sausage. The sause was too cheesy and thick so I added milk to dilute it...but of course I added too much milk so now the consistency was perfect but the sauce wasn't cheesy enough, so what do you add for a cheesy flavor......FETUS, no I'm just kidding you add cheese silly!! So I added the cheese and a shitload of pepper and the concoction turned out pretty damn good I was surprised an proud of myself.



Song : Pedro The Lion - Magazine

I can't stand this, I want her and she's is intended to be mine, and there's nothing else that I want in the world. there's a radiance about her face, and a specific tone in her giggle that causes all things glorious and heavenly to pale in comparison...as said once before,,.a sparkle that could light up the moon, and a smille that causes all pain to fade

3/22
This blog thing is pissing me off cause it's notworking right...I'll say more tommorrow

Song: The Immaculate Musical Conception - 5 of 4